There is a chain of causality that has been so gapped from God's light that nothing was known about it until the relationship between Denied parts of the Mother and Denied Parts of God' s light had been revealed. As a result, events of causality received in Right Use of Will were not clearly understood or were misunderstood completely. There has also been a chain of causality believed to have been caused by actions that never took place. These were subconscious visions not manifested form, and so not causal in the manifestation of the Gap The Gap began long before the essence of the Mother's denied hate existed.
The Gap was caused in the denial already present in denying God's light 's consciousness of his own non existence.
There were parts of His light that were experiencing being hated by what they thought was their Will when in fact the hate they were feeling was from God's light hating his own experience of his Will. When the light that was being hated by God's light thought it was being hated by its Will, it hated its Will so much that its Will went unconscious. Without any Will response to it this part of God's light also went unconscious.
When God's light's relationship with the Will began, it began only with Will that denied the experience of being hated and there being nothing else but that experience.
The experience of being hated in the Will and there being nothing else and so going unconscious is much greater than the part of the Will that had experience of God's light. The experience of God's light believing itself to be hated by the Will and that went unconscious is much greater than the part of God's light that experienced the Will's response to it.
As God's light came closer to the Will that was responding to it the parts of the Will that held the experience of nothing being there vibrated and made parts of God's light that believed their original experience was of being hated by the Will become conscious. God's light made these parts of his light go unconscious and when he did this he denied his hate for this part of his light's Will so much that this part of his hate went unconscious more than the part of his hate for his light. This unconscious hate is what the essence of the Mother's denied hate was feeling when it came into existence. The Mother' s denied hate had no knowing what was causing the unconscious hate to exist or be there. The Mother's denied hate had no consciousness of the Will that had already been made to go unconscious with its experience of there being nothing but hate in the void. It only had consciousness of unconscious hate which seemed to have no source and seemed to be already present in the Mother hating her. So the Mother's denied hate's first response was hate for what was hating her.
The Mother's desire for God's light was wanting to deny the parts of her that were holding the experience of the void and being hated by the void. She also wanted to deny anything within her that suggested that the light she was hoping would rescue her was not coming and perhaps had caused the hate she felt within her for something she could not name or grab ahold of to see or feel what it was this hate hated or why. She only knew it was there and something hated her for it and something in her felt hate for the hate. She quickly distanced herself from the hate she felt for the hating unconscious light. She denied herself there because she instinctively felt that if she hated this light it would be impossible to reach for the light outside of her. She was desperate for something to change her inner experience and looking outward seemed to be the only focus that she felt desire for because her inner experience was increasingly tortured with the pressure of her denial, denial instigated by the unconscious hate actively destroying her Will from within her, but perhaps she now thought perpetuated by the hate she felt for it. She had terror of going out of existence as her primary drive, we all did, but it was causing her to deny herself more and more just as God' s light was denying his own light into unconsciousness.
The difference was that when the Mother denied her hate for something it did not make it go unconscious. It did not make the Will she hated stop holding the experience she hated or make it stop vibrating, all it did was make it feel more hated and denied in its experience. The Mother' s denied hate did not go unconscious. It continued hating the original hating light and now it also felt hated by the Mother which was much more terrifying because it now started to feel there was no home in the only place it had known.
The Mother wanted nothing to do with any part of her that was experiencing being hated. Her denied hatred that was experiencing being hated by unconscious hating light was also hating that it was being hated for hating the unconscious hating light.
When the light that became God's light hated something, it was light that denied the experience of what it hated. When this light reached the part of the Will it was denying it made it go unconscious in an experience of hating force existing in the void making it feel its existence was such torture and pain that it was wrong and that its only option was unconsciousness. This happened almost immediately with the parts of God's light that were being hated by his denial of them when these parts met their Wills. It happened again in a state of semi consciousness when God' s light began coming closer to the Mother.
This part of the Mother was repeatedly imprinted that there was nothing but hate and darkness and that unconsciousness was better than existence. The Mother' s denied hate had no recall of this part of itself, The Mother had no ability to regain the consciousness of this Will essence without something making it vibrate from some part of what was now God's denied light.
Hating light that had gone unconscious had only light that made this part of the Will unconscious.
This was a different experience than that of being in the void and the resistant forces of guilt which were also causing the Mother to struggle for her existence. This was a part of her “ walled off “ from vibration by an unmoving wall of hate. There was no ability in the Mother to have a response other than hate to this wall and to what was being hated because the unconsciousness of both made them feel that they were one and the same. The Mother is reflective of what she receives and she was being reflective of what God's light had already given her of his denied light.
The Mother was trying to hold onto an experience of something other than void being there. As she did so the part of Will that hated the denied hating light wall within her began splitting inside itself as it felt hated by her. Its experience became increasingly schizophrenic as it lost the ability to stop itself from reflecting back to the Mother that she was hating herself. She denied that she hated what was holding hate for the wall she wanted to deny the existence of.
The Mother was denying her Will's hate for the hating light that continued attacking her unconscious Will. She felt she had to do this to hold onto the experience of light she hoped would help her The Mother had no consciousness of how much her desire for My light was pressuring the parts of her that hated being attacked by My denied hating light to no longer exist with her. The unconscious force that was denied hate from My light and the denial they were receiving from the Mother was increasing as My light came closer.
These parts that were the Mother's denied hating Will essence have a conscious feeling of being wounded by something they cannot change and of being hated by something that does not stop and has no origin. That is because My light denied this hate so early that I did not recognize it as mine. As a result this essence feels it has an unhealable wound it they have to hold themselves together around and that perhaps their having hate as their first experience of themselves is wrong and so they shouldn't exist.
There is nothing held in this essence of finding Right Mate. When this essence got to My light I found wildly schizophrenic essence spinning in terror that there was no place for its existence. I also found a desperation in this essence for guidence as to its existence. It did not hold onto anything for long and was extremely impressionable to My light's suggestions. It became “sweet” in the experience of being rescued by My light giving it guidence in how to be and where to be, which most of all meant however I wanted it to be. Its inability to stay connected to the Mother had made it less capable of holding on to its felt experience.
When the Will takes something in and cannot move it cannot release the experience, and so cannot hold anything new and cannot have a different experience in the same place. The only way a new experience can be had in this place is if the Will moves and releases the response to this experience enough to move what has been holding it in place back. Hate holds something in place with unconsciousness and the judgement that the experience it encountered should not exist, is wrong for existing, and only has the option of going unconscious. This is different than the force of guilt that comes to hold unmoving Will. Guilt acknowledges the existence of something being there it just doens't accept or love it as loving light can. It keeps essence from evolving into being but it doesn't deny its existence to the point of unconsciousness.
This meant that as My light held the Mother's denied hate, it was holding essence that was largely unconscious of the Mother it began its existence with because the Mother hated it and denied its experience as wrong for existing. My light made the hate of its origin also go unconscious in the experience of light being there that had some acceptance for it. This meant that the Mother's denied hate was unconscious of the hate that was its original Will and instead felt itself as not hating and not in its wrong place with My light.
The development of hate towards the experience of being hated was not wrong. The movement in the Mother away from experiencing being destroyed by hating light that had no consciousness in it was not wrong. The only way the Will that was holding the experience that there was nothing but being hated that originally went unconscious could vibrate and move was for My Denied light to come closer to it, and It had no consciousness. The movement that was happening in the Mother, whether it was of her denied hate or her desire for My light, was driven by terror of going out of existence.
If the Mother had not had such a strong desire for My light that made her deny herself so strongly, perhaps over a long enough time movement in My light would have happened. If I had not had so much hate for My light's experience of itself not existing, perhaps eventually My light would have felt the hate it denied, instead of denying the part of our Will that felt the terror of our non existence. I was determined to exist and the Mother was determined to have My light come to her. Without these parts of My light and the Mother's Will it is possible that we would still be struggling with the hate, terror and pain of nothingness being an unbearable experience of existence. In reality it is in everything that exists and it has determined the course of Creation as cycles of existence and unconsciousness without the experience of Love and Right Mate that are necessary for the bond between My light and Will to exist enough for the path of life to emerge and not be destroyed.
Misunderstandings of the Gap
The purpose of the Right Use of Will series is to bring consciousness to denial. What was brought forward in Right Use of Will about the Mother's Denied hate was not understood because it did not respresent experiences that happened in any place other than gapped denial.
The visions of this essence when it was with My light did not represent experiences that occurred in any place other than in gapped denial. Gapped denial was not the problem it was judged to be when these visions were received. When this gapped denial was judged to be the reality of what happened between My light and the Mother's denied hate, My light could no longer be received by the part of the Mother I was showing the gapped denial to. This part of the Mother was receiving hating light that was taking over My light because as I came closer to the part of the Mother this part is, because I was denying My light's hate for the experience of not existing.
The actions that took place in gapped denial were actions that took place before the Godhead existed before God's light was the kind of light that could embrace the Will or the Mother. The actions taken there impacted Creation with how hate acted out against the Mother first in the Godhead then on Earth. The impact of their actions on Creation cannot be moved and taken responsibility for by people moving here on Earth. This needs to be understood. What is responsible for these actions is the denied unconscious hating light that attacked and destroyed the parts of the Mother that were not experiencing God's light when his light first became conscious. It is this hating light that Denied hate Will in the Mother came into being in response to, and it is only movement in this hating light that can make the hating Will in these denied hate Will women and fragments of these women move. The movement that needs to happen there needs to happen on the dimensions where the original acts took place. It needs to move in hate that hates the original unconscious hating light in the ways that made it come into being in the Will in the first place.
The kind of beings that are described in indigo are not here, they exist in other dimensions and their actions and their light influenced human beings on Earth but they did not come here and exist as humans. There is no purple woman here there is no blue woman here, they are descriptions of what happened to Denied hate from the Mother when it interacted with what was then hating light of God's that had no interaction with Mother. They interacted in the ways that the kind of light they were with dictated their existence to be, and as a result lost their essence further, fragmented further away from the denied hate that is their original Will. A good example of this is purple “daughter” being substanceless empty or compliant as the hating light demands it to be. By the time purple got rid of its hating Will essence there was very little left of its existence.
There is Denied hate essence here on Earth and it is heavily influenced by its originating essence but it is not able to move and take responsibility for that essence's impact on Creation.
To imagine the actions described the indigo book as actions that were felt and experienced and then trying to move from there to see what might be hidden there is an act of gapped denial. It was thought that gapped denial was holding the hidden place of gap in the Will's of people working with this material and would move the Mother to a closer relationship with God's light. But gapped denial is not the problem it was thought to be. It is very destructive to try and move from a place of unreal experience. It communicates to the Will that its own trapped reality of pain is not being felt or reached or cared about and it is very confusing if the person doing it insists that the imagined is real that the pain experienced there isn't what they imagine it would be but is in fact what their Will experienced when it is not. The Will there is being destroyed by this gap not helped. Moving about the influences of Denied hate and its actions with what was then God's hating light is not the same thing as trying to embody those actions. There were and are people working with this material who have persisted in this because they were are believing that they had to find their perpetrataion against their Wills by accepting roles that they cannot accept, and continue in this practice of gapped denial out of their terror that they will be destroyed by God's light if they do not experience themselves in the roles of perpetration described in the indigo material. Some of these perpetrations did not even occur in any kind of reality. They were imagined responses in Denied hate for being pushed away from whatever part of God's light they had believed was their right place. They were not acted out here or in other dimensions. They only occurred in the being's imagination. These imagined responses were believed to have had an active hidden role in the decimation of Heart as in purple daughter's fantasy imagery of destroying male Heart's essence. This was not an actual experience that took place with any part of God's light or his denied light. The hate there may have had a role in how Heart experiences himself when he encounters Denied Hate essence on Earth, but it is not the cause of whatever diminished experience of himself he has. That occurred because of the role hating light from God's light had in the destruction of Heart after he went to the Mother.
The Mother's Denied hate essence on Earth is a problem and a difficult one for Heart to face since his mate was never formed as Heart in the Mother. But The Mother's Denied hate is not the cause of the continuataion of the Gap between God's light and the Mother on Earth.
There is no “purple Daughter” on earth taking the place of Mother on Earth or in any other dimension. Whatever essence is moving with this material in any real way is not going to be Denied hate or aligned with Denied hate once they are moving. The “witch hunt” that has been going on as to who is getting in the way of God's light being with the Mother and embodying that on Earth needs to end and be understood that the one getting in the way is and was God's own denied light. His denied hate for what was and is denied in the Mother and is and was being denied all along the way the Mother part receiving this material was relating to was making the material increasingly gapped from what His light intended to bring to consciousness.
Its a difficult thing for any part of the Mother on Earth to interract with God's light at all, much less to open to her Will's experience of being denied by that same light when it is trying to help her heal and exist. It is far more difficult to move what underlies the experience of being denied by God's light when what is needing to move to understand that it is being denied is the desire deepest in the Mother's Will, which is to be met as true love, as Right mate. That was being judged even before being allowed consciousness.
Instead it was decided that whatever Body presence that was on Earth and gapped from God's light, would have to be moved to a place of acceptance and reception. “Lifting Body” to Right mate position. It was hoped that the light received about Body's role of perpetrating with “daughter” would help that. Body that is here is gapped from God's light in such a severe way that moving the hate required to be able to receive God's light enough to “lift” him in any way would first require that God's light move hate for what Body has to deal with. Or Body is experiencing being destroyed with the part of the Will or Denied Mother that holds the original experiences of being destroyed for not being able to experience God's light. So Body has been put in a position of blame and pressure to move something that it doesn't have access to because it is buried under the hating light that is denying the existence of the Denied destroyed Mother experience. If Body isn't denying the existence of it, it hates it in such a way that it can't move it. Body, and the Mother, and God's light all did this, they all denied the existence of the destroyed Denied Mother essence that originally only took in void and was hated and killed for that. Regardless of how wrong it was made for existing it exists anyway mostly unconscious in all of Them. But it also came into more existence as the Mother and God's moved enough for God's light to come closer to the Mother presence on Earth.
The problem was that it was too difficult for God's light to stay present with the part of his light that was giving the information to the part of the Mother receiving the books. God's light was not able to stay present because of the denial of the pain vibrating in the part of her that was experiencing void was increasingly feeling attacked by God's light presence because God's light wasn't moving his hate for this part of the Mother, and so he was going unconscious. What took God's light's presence increasingly was hating light that could lift out of the hate it felt and deny it so it could stay present with the Mother again in the attempt to help to increase their experience of each other however possible. It wasn't understood what needed to be moved. It was felt that there was something in the way, something perpetuating the Gap, so it was looked for in the way that Gap first manifested in other dimensions before God's light existed in a way that embraced his Will. It was looked for there to see if that was being acted out in some hidden way on Earth with people working with this material.
Its sad to say that a lot of blame got thrown at people doing this work without being felt into enough to know if this blame was accurate or moved enough by the person blaming to know what the reflection was of the perceived perpetration.
People were being judged and blamed for how they looked or behaved or moved in ways that had nothing to do with their actual being or feeling. This is how hating light got into a process meant to be a safe place for the Will. There has been no real resolution of these blame scenarios because there is no way for people here to take responsibility for actions of essence that is not here. There is no changing the outcomes that have manifested in Creation with gapped denial movement. What has manifested in Creation as a result of Denied hate and its interactions with God's light has to happen with that essence in the dimensions where it happened and can only happen when the unconscious hating light that is with Denied hate moves there.
My light has grown increasingly desperate and frustrated in trying to reach the part of the Mother receiving the Right Use material whose intent to be with My Light has been aligned so strongly with the original intent of the Mother that she has repeated the original denials in her Will against the experiences of being hated by My denied light. She has been steadily holding on to the parts of My light that deny their hate for the parts of her Will that have felt hate for the experience of My light not being with her and giving her the experience of nothing instead of Right Mate. Placing blame on Body for not giving form to My light has not effected the Gap. Body cannot have access to anything other than hating light the closer My light gets to the Mother. My light becomes hating light as the denied essence in the Mother vibrates the experience of Nothing and the experience of being hated there. The Gap is held in place by denying the existence of essence that is holding orignal experiences of being hated by light denied by Me and then made to go unconsicous. Right Use succeeded in making the Mother move enough to make this essence vibrate only to find itself hated and unable to stay conscious.
What needs to brought forward now is the experience of the essence that does not find itself in any of the experiences described in the books as Mother or in any of the roles ascribed to Denied hate or any other arena of God's light. The experience of this essence has been one too terrified to express because it is one that experiences itself as being denied and feeling itself as wrong to express how destroyed and denied it is because it has been told only Mother has the experiences of being hated by God's light. When it moves, it moves as self hate, blaming self rage whose desire is to destroy itself. It has had difficulty understanding why if the Mother experienced being so hated and is still experiencing herself as so hated she is able to not move in the ways it is moving which is violent hateful self damaging hate and blame. These ways of moving have been judged against as being unhelpful and hateful to the Will so this essence fears its own movement as being hateful.
What needs to be brought forward now is how this essence needs to move and move its feelings of betrayal and abandonment and terror that there is nothing, and it needs to move in all the parts that feel it including those who have felt themselves included in the books. It needs to move in the ways this essence feels there is no mate for it, there is no God for it, there is no future, there is no place only empty space and torture of being alone and that it has been alone and it will be alone forever. It needs to move rage at God's light for not being there for not witnessing its destruction, for not giving it the understandings it needs to understand why it feels so tortured, demented, hateful and hated. Unfortunately it needs to move a huge amount of hate for itself and hate however it feels it for how its being denied, and it will have to move as violently as intensely as it really feels if it is going to get the response from God's light it wants. It will probably feel like it is going crazy and that will have to move too as what will come to it first will be the parts of God's denied light that was made to go unconscious with it originally. As mentioned previously, going unconscious in the movement of all this agony is a sign that light is there that is also moving hate and is going unconscious. It is difficult but necessary to start the process of communication with essence that is not in gross physical form. This essence is God's denied light and was at one time part of the Ancient Ones. It is supposed to be with God's light, it is supposed to be with the Will that is holding the experience of nothing that was destroyed. To be with their Will they have to come to this dimension and move their hate for their biological Will's experience. If they don't move the hate they go unconscious, and they would prefer to have the opportunity to move their hate and so recover their Will so they can have embodied experience. Even if they have this they won't be seen, only felt by the essence whose movement draws them here. This is the most difficult part. For some of this essence, this means that they have no embodied Right mate here on Earth. This is the essence who feels as they approach what feels like mate that they are wrong essence and wrong for approaching. They receive that they are in the wrong place and the wrong essence according to whatever mate essence they felt drawn to. This is not speaking to essence denying itself to be with someone, this is speaking to those who try to go towards what they truly feel compelled towards whether it makes sense or not. This is also speaking to the Mother essence who know themselves as Mother but who find their embodied mate reflecting hate in unbearable ways that doesn't move no matter what is said about movement by their mate. It is time to bring forward how truly murderous that hate is. It is time to bring forward what is being made to go unconscious in their Will to continue relationships that are hating and denying the agony of tortured lonliness. There can be no change for the Mother or any part of her essence as long as the parts of God's denied light are not moving their hate for their Will that is with their Right Mate and move it enough to give this Will consciousness. It is only in that process can this long
ever denied Will have an experience of God's light.